


and we are not alive, but for a little short spell

by pepperedfox



Category: Kagerou Project
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-23
Updated: 2013-12-23
Packaged: 2018-01-05 19:35:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,480
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1097799
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pepperedfox/pseuds/pepperedfox
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After each timeline, Ene returns to a place in the Daze to meet Ayano...</p>
            </blockquote>





	and we are not alive, but for a little short spell

**Author's Note:**

> iirc a certain lovely tumblr user wanted ayaene smut so…! assume it’s an alternate universe where ene + ayano meet after each timeline.

"Can you feel this?"

The truth was that being able to feel physical sensations was strange. Living for so long in cyberspace, only able to touch other constructions of electricity and data, Takane forgot about warmth aside from the core of a humming computer. In that flat dimension, existence was a numb, tingling haze.

Ayano’s delicate hand tracing her leg was a tickling feeling. It was soft. When her fingers dipped into the pixels and empty space where her feet used to be, Takane couldn’t help a shudder. It was _strange_ , seeing something solid go through a part of her.

"Watch what you’re doing," Takane said.

Ayano blinked, hand fluttering to a stop above her knee. “Did that hurt?” Looking at that curious, concerned expression—it made Takane feel like she was scolding a small dog. Without waiting for an answer, her classmate drew back her hand, that familiar, apologetic smile already blooming on her face. “I’m sorry. I didn’t think your body would change so much since our last meeting, that’s all…”

_It’s your dad’s gift_ , Takane almost snapped. But against the backdrop of the eternal sunset, with the way Ayano’s head dipped against her chest, she held her tongue. “I guess I was lucky,” she sighed instead.

It’s such a blatant lie, but Ayano’s smile brightened at it. With a soft laugh, the dead girl sat on the desk across from her. Their gazes couldn’t meet, but the softness in her voice didn’t lessen.

"It’s good to see you again, Takane." The words hung in the air like sickly perfume. Yet it was comfort from the stain of crimson dashed across glass. Her heart clenched.

"… yeah. Same."

—-

The first time was on a clear day. It’d been as quick as a guillotine, with no time for tears to be squeezed out. Ayano was crouched by her side when she opened her eyes, the tips of that familiar red scarf brushing against her cheek.

By the sixth timeline, that sickening feeling of wanting to throw up whenever Takane—

( _—Ene_ now, because Takane died on that operating table way back then—)

—returned had dulled.

Where they were was something even Ayano wasn’t sure of. “I’m sure we’re in the Daze,” she answered when asked. “Um… I don’t think you’re supposed to be here with me, though. I mean, I don’t mind it!” With that reserved smile, she looked down. “It’s lonely here, at times.”

The setting was always the same, a never-changing prison that Ayano waited patiently in like a princess in her castle. The empty classroom bathed in an eternal sunset with a stiff, unpleasant atmosphere— the curtains fluttering as if a summer breeze was passing through— these were the landmarks that greeted Ene time and time again after her failures. In a place like this, where even the passage of time was unreal and hazy, it was no wonder that Ayano would pounce on the chance for conversation like a starved cat. She’d stand at the podium, leaning forward with light glimmering in her eyes, questions spilling out in a rush.

"Tell me about Shintaro."

"How are Tsubomi and the others?"

"Did you see him again…?"

Ene had the feeling that Ayano knew the answers before they were given. It was the way her friend masked her responses behind her smiles, how she tilted her head as if observing her reactions and nodded absently to herself. But she answered anyway, because scripted conversations were better than none at all. With a huff, Ene folded her arms across her chest.

"It was worse than before. Geez, I’m sorry."

Ayano, tugging down her trademark red scarf, gave a small laugh. “It’s not like you could’ve helped it. After all, ‘he’ was there, wasn’t he?”

Though the words left lightly, there was a subtle tension in her words. By now, Ene could read the other girl like the back of her own hand. Staying true to her character, the cybergirl puffed out her cheeks and looked away.

"I don’t get it! He keeps showing up." Haruka, who was supposed to be dead; Haruka, floating in a tube like some overgrown fetus; Haruka with his stupid smile that crinkled his eyes and his carefree demeanor— "It doesn’t make… any sense…"

Something soft was pressed against her face. Ayano was brushing her scarf against her. “I didn’t mean to bring him up,” she said quietly.

It was insulting, because Ene didn’t cry as easily as she did so many timelines before. Though her eyes burned, nothing was going to fall out. With a sudden pang of spite, she seized the end of the scarf and blew her nose loudly into it, eliciting a shriek from Ayano.

She felt a little better.

—-

Ene used to count the timelines. She even gave them names, just for the fun of it, until she ran out of words and slapped numbers on them instead.

Ayano made her stop after the third blackboard had been used up, clawed from inch to inch with chalky tally marks.

After that, she made sure to hide markers up her sleeves. She couldn’t draw, but she doodled beside each route tally anyway.

Eventually, Ayano joined her, carefully dashing fleet rabbits across the walls.

—-

It was after another reset that Ene found her, hunched in the corner of the classroom. She did not look up when the old door rattled upon being slid open. In the sunset’s harsh glare, it seemed as if her shoulders were shaking. But as Ene drew closer, she straightened up.

"Ayano…"

"Sorry about that." Her voice sounded pinched and small. "Um, I was thinking too hard about something I shouldn’t have. It’s nothing…"

With a start, Ene realized that she wasn’t wearing her scarf. Hair swept to one side, in a way that exposed the gentle slope of her neck, Ayano looked fragile against the taciturn walls, a weak flame flickering in in the wind.

"Where’s your scarf?"

Ayano gave a small laugh—whether it was at her or at the question, it wasn’t clear. “I told you once… there are times when you need to say what you want, or you’ll lose the chance. You remember, right?” She turned her head slightly. Curling her lips was a resemblance of a smile, hesitant and unsure. “I was a little harsh to you because you didn’t have any courage back then.”

Something tight squeezed Ene’s gut. “Well, you know, that’s all in the pa—”

A streak of red flew. The scarf in Ayano’s hands was thrown around Ene’s neck, carrying a warmth that spread to her face. This close, she couldn’t move away. Ayano, holding the ends of the scarf, let her gaze fall.

"I’m sorry," she said, words trembling. Everything rushed out, tumbling regret tied to a tremor that betrayed her transparent smile. "I’ve sent you out over and over again while staying here. In the end, it turned out… I didn’t have the right to say those sorts of things to you." Her hands bunched the scarf’s worn fabric. "I’m… no good for you either—"

Comfort was not Ene’s strong suit. People were beyond her. Without a doubt, back in those hazy days when she could remove the headphones around her ears, when Haruka still stood at the gate to greet her with his mussed bedhead, people were what she loathed.

Loathed—that might not have been the right word. It wasn’t that she hated those around her. It was that nobody ever deigned to look at them and that she never had a reason to go looking _for_ them. Connections weren’t possible if there weren’t any wires to cross. Isolated and sickly… nobody wanted to spend so much time with a high-maintenance friend whose presence at school wasn’t always guaranteed.

If the rest of the world didn’t care, it was fine. Takane Enomoto wouldn’t either.

She doesn’t know when it all changed.

Her hands were smaller than Ayano’s, but her sleeves let her cover them just fine. When those dark eyes darted up, Ene grinned as brightly as she could. She was surprised at how easy it sprang up, almost without a thought.

"That’s not the case at all. Don’t think that way. If we work together… we’ll beat that guy for sure." She gave a squeeze. "It’s a promise!"

Ayano seemed to be struck dumb. Long ago it should’ve been the other way around, because smiles and cheer were never part of Takane’s skill roster. Every part of her froze, like a bewildered animal gazing into a great fire.

Then came the lightest of chuckles. It was breathy, barely existent, but it was there. A warm flush was rising to her cheeks, melting the tension stiffening in her body. “Ene’s really matured, huh?”

"Hey, I’m just finally acting as your senior, that’s all…!"

"It took you a while to reach that point. But I’m glad." Ayano’s hands shifted to a firmer grip. Her smile was as gentle as the fading rays forever spanning this eternal red and gold world. "I’m truly glad."

She dipped her head. Her lips were soft and brief as a falling flower’s against Ene’s.

—-

She let Ayano hold her hand after the fortieth failure.

—-

They don’t talk about it. No questions were asked when Ayano unzipped her jacket, slipping her fingers beneath her shirt. Ene doesn’t ask who she’s thinking about when she pressed her mouth lightly against hers, face burning.

_Can you feel this, Takane?_

It’s almost too much sensation, for someone who’s been locked away for years at a time in virtual space. When she gasped, her voice rang loud and clear, unfiltered. For someone trapped in an eternal world like this, Ene dimly thought at one point, it’s not that surprising that she has just as many ideas to match hers.

Immortal or not, dead or alive, they were still human.

When Ayano kisses the inside of her thigh, Ene almost can’t look. It’s ridiculous, laid out on the floor like this with the desks shifted to circle them as if there was someone they were trying to hide from.

_Is this fine?_

She smelled like the fragrant waft of summer that Ene could never quite pin down, a mix of something flowery and familiar. Finger pressed between that wet spot between her legs with gentle pressure, Ayano tilted her head up to smile at her.

_Can you tell me what you thought about it?_

Her legs pressed together, back arching as the fingers pushed in. Ayano leaned against her incomplete legs, smiling, laughing, a pleasant surprise lighting up her face when Ene yanked her by the scarf (god, she had to wear it even now, didn’t she?) to pull her closer. Their breaths, ragged and husky, mingled with each other.

_I’m not imposing, am I?_

No, no, and no again, Ene wanted to tell her, but there’s no breath in her lungs to whisper. She made a whining sound anyway as Ayano kissed her exposed breasts, taking care to suck at them with care.

Time, for the first time, passed quickly.

—-

"I don’t like you that way either, if that’s your question." Ayano said it before Ene could open her mouth. Sitting behind the podium, she swirled the pen, drawing languid circles. "I was never going to make it a problem. So please don’t worry."

Despite having spent countless loops with her, Ene could not fully read the other girl. There was some sort of cloak that settled around Ayano, mysterious and impenetrable even as she smiled openly.

"You still have to tell Haruka," she continued. "I’ll watch from here and cheer you on! Remember that, all right? That’s all I could ask for from you. I think… you’ve worked hard for that moment. It’d be selfish to ask you to stop running towards him."

"Selfish, huuuh. That’s suggesting a whole different line of thought, isn’t it?"

The pen continued to move. “There’s no use in bringing that up,” came the calm response. “I’m happy for you, Takane.”

—-

In her dreams, Haruka was there. That never changed.

One night, however, against a milky way of red, Ayano descended to cup her by the face, pressing her forehead against Ene’s. Her breath was hot. All around them were the sparkling shards of mirrors. Ayano’s reflection showed up in none of them.

"Thank you," she said.

The moment the words left her lips, a thin, long crack ran through her. The soft hands holding Ene by the face splintered into little chunks, crumbling into sparkling sand. When Ene tried to grab her, Ayano merely slid through her fingers.

"Thank you. And goodbye."

When Ene woke up at the end of the timeline, the sunset in the classroom was dimming, all traces of red fading.

Ayano was nowhere to be seen.

—-

Summer had ended.

—-

The Tateyama family grave was well-kept, since it was watched after by Kido and the rest of her siblings. With Seto’s help, Takane picked flowers from the flower shop he worked at. Upon hearing that she was visiting the grave, Haruka drew a sketch to accompany the small offering.

The two of them pulled up at the grave at around noon. While wheeling Haruka out of the car, Takane could see a hunched figure already there. With a loud sigh and a fond grin, she shook her head.

"He’s always gotta be first in everything."

Shintaro Kisaragi did not turn around when they approached him. His head was dipped in deep thought as he knelt in front of the grave, palms pressed together. After a moment of silence, he stood up.

"Is this the only place you hang out at, Master?" Takane asked, eyebrow raised.

Shintaro scratched the back of his head, loudly sighing. “Don’t call me that in front of your boyfriend. It’s skeevier when you’re an actual girl.”

"I was the _only_ girl who’d talk to your gross personage when you shut yourself up like some kind of repulsive bug.”

"Isn’t that too harsh, Takane?" Haruka piped up.

"Shintaro’s had worse. Hasn’t he?"

Shintaro gave a long-suffering look. “Aah, I’m grateful you took her away, Haruka… she’d probably drive a bunch of guys to kill themselves if you hadn’t gotten with her.”

"H-Hey…!"

Against the grave, the flowers looked bright and vibrant. The sketch, one of Ayano’s face, was tucked between the stems. Once Takane made sure that the arrangements were made, she pushed herself up. Shintaro had wandered off with Haruka near the car, chattering idly away while they waited for her.

"… can you feel this? It’s nice weather down here for scarves." Takane tipped her head, grinned. "I never got to say it. But, thanks for the help."

Her hand rested against the cool stone. It felt smooth, like Ayano’s hair had been. She closed her eyes, breathing slowly, remembering madder red and empty classrooms.

"Sleep well."

_And I’ll see you later_.


End file.
